Hello and happy summer! I hoped to get this post done before the school year ended, but, you know, life happened. I finally finished the series and wanted to follow up with my thoughts on the Netflix Original Series 13 Reasons Why. Hmmmm...where to begin...?
I guess I should start with the obvious: this show is a fictional series. Like most of what we view on television or online, its contents should be taken with a grain of salt. I realize that much of it probably reflects part of the high school experience, but a lot of it doesn't. How would I know, you ask? Because I spoke with many of your peers on what they are experiencing in high school. The resounding themes that emerged were this: 1) The show is extreme. 2) High school is not exactly like that. 3) Teachers are more in tune with what's going on with students. 4) Students know to reach out to an adult if they are concerned for a friend. I was encouraged by the candid conversations I had with our students, and felt some sense of relief. However, I'm not naive. The topics of suicide and self-harm are very real and very relevant to our community of teenagers. We can't turn a blind eye and pretend it's not happening, but we also can't glamorize these acts. In my opinion, the show leaned a little too far toward making suicide seem like a viable option. Just to be clear: it should never be your option. I do appreciate that the topic of suicide was put in the spotlight, due to Hollywood's version. It seems suicide is more often taboo and a topic to be feared, but we need to be talking about it more often. We also need to talk about what's behind it: why are so many teens feeling like taking their own life is the only door to walk through? Why are so many students turning to self-harm (non-suicidal acts)? There are an endless supply of reasons, and I won't attempt to list them all here, because it's a little different for each person. The bottom line, though, is this: You are not alone. I recently saw a post on Instagram by @humansofny, where the girl pictured talked about what she experienced in middle school. Granted, I know 8th grade is different than high school, but I believe this quote is relevant: "I don't think I'm going to miss eighth grade. It's been a tough year. A lot of my friends are struggling with depression and self-harm, and it's hard for me to watch. I just care about them so much. Growing up is so hard for some people. It's such a big thing. It's your foundation, I guess. You're becoming you. It's such a big thing and we're going through it right now. Some of my friends are struggling with loving themselves and loving life. I think they forget that we're still learning. They think that they're already who they're going to be. They think they know the future. And it's going to be horrible. And they'll never be able to fix it. But that's not true because we're still changing. And we'll always be changing. Even when we're old, we'll be changing." This really spoke to me. It spoke to the me now, and I wish I could have read it when I was in the 8th grade. Maybe you can identify with it, too... I guess, what I want you to get out of this post is this: talk to someone you trust. A parent, a sibling, a teacher, a counselor, a pastor, a friend. All you need is one person to connect with and lend a compassionate ear. No one out there is alone in this life. Human connection is so important and vital to get through. We were meant to be there for one another and support each other's burdens. That's the main reason I decided to become a counselor: for students to have a safe, confidential person who is in their corner. *Side note: I will say I wasn't impressed by the depiction of a school counselor on the show. If you've never met your school counselor, I would encourage you to get to know the "real life" version and disregard Hollywood's version. We aren't all like that. Just putting it out there... So, to wrap up this longer than planned post, I want you to remember:
I hope this post finds you happy, healthy, and enjoying your summer. I look forward to seeing you all in August...please stop in to say hi! If you need someone to talk to, remember that's why I'm here. See my previous post on this topic for a helpful info graphic on suicide, self-harm, and the show. Stay safe and seek help. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (available 24/7) 1-800-273-8255 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
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I love Netflix. So so much. I can watch movies and TV shows, both old and new. But one of my favorite parts of Netflix are the original series. One of these that I've started watching recently is Thirteen Reasons Why.
When I first heard of the show, I was intrigued, on a purely entertainment level. Another original series: Yahoooo!!! Then, as I watched the first episode, I switched into watching it from a school counselor's point of view (easy transition for me, obviously). Now, I want to be clear that I haven't finished the season yet...I'm not quite halfway through. However, after watching what I have so far, I feel responsible, as a school counselor and professional who deals with issues brought up in the first few episodes, to share my thoughts with you. The most important thing I can say to you is this: Suicide is NOT the answer. Never has been, and never will be. I will say that there are many layers to this show, so far, in the few episodes I've watched. But that truth will always stay the same. I want to write more on my observations, but feel that I need to finish the series before I do so. So, for now, please take the time to read through the info-graphic below. I believe it communicates many of my sentiments, and is helpful if you (or your child) are watching or will watch this series. Please reach out to me or the other FHS school counselors if you have any questions/concerns. I hope to finish 13 Reasons Why soon, and will follow up with a longer post thereafter. Stay safe and seek help. Hi! I've never blogged before, but decided to give it a go, as part of this new website for the counseling department. I'm not the best writer, and may not always use correct grammar, so please be gentle with your judgement. One of my goals this year is to do something I've always thought about doing. Well, blogging is one of those things...I'm not sure if I will like it or be any good at it, but there's no time like the present to try! I feel like I'm inviting judgement by sharing my thoughts and ideas in an unfiltered manner. However, I'm going to make the leap, and give it my best shot! Side note: I like to use lots of exclamation points, but will attempt to restrain myself in these posts. I'm not sure how often a new post will arrive, but I will shoot for at least 4 times per school year (once per quarter). Maybe more often, if I'm feeling inspired about a particular topic. My goal is to provide insights on subjects specific and meaningful for our students, with links to resources, related videos, and such. If you're still reading this, yay! I've captured your attention for 30 seconds. So, without further ado, my first official post is going to be about empathy: Picture carrying a heavy cardboard box filled with books, by yourself, and how awkward it is to carry/hold. Imagine 3 of your closest friends standing nearby and saying things like: "At least you're only carrying one box." "You should feel how heavy my box is!" "At least you have lots of stuff in your box to carry." Now picture those friends each taking a corner of your box and helping you carry it. That is empathy. Your friends coming alongside you and saying, "I'm sorry your box is heavy. Let me help you carry it." Having their help doesn't change the fact that there are heavy books inside, but it does help distribute the weight. Recently, the FHS counselors were at a training and a video was shown, attempting to describe what empathy is and looks like. Empathy is a natural instinct for some, but can take practice for most. Our instinct, especially when we hear about the hard things going on in someone's life, is to try and find the bright side to help cheer that person up. Surprisingly, though, this doesn't usually make the person sharing feel as good as we think it will. Or maybe you are the one doing the sharing; describing something difficult you are dealing with in your life. Then the person you're confiding in says something like, "Well at least you don't have it as bad as I do..." and goes on to describe the difficulty in their life, in an attempt to make you feel better. How does that end up making you feel? For me, I end up feeling like the person doesn't really want to hear what's going on with me. Or like what I'm going through isn't really that hard or I shouldn't be complaining about it. It makes me feel like maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. Does this sound familiar? My point in all of this is that we don't need to fix things for one another. We just need to be there and listen. There is power in the silence of listening to a friend, without feeling like you need to fix things for them or fill the space with unnecessary talk. This takes pressure off of you and off of your friend. The two of you (or more, if talking in a group format), can feel safe sharing and the relief that comes with it, knowing that you're sharing each other's burdens, rather than carrying them alone. Here is the video we watched at our training, which breaks down the difference between sympathy and empathy...give it look and let me know what you think in the comments. Thanks for reading! See you again next quarter (or sooner)! |